and just push myself to the limit.
Consequentially, due to that decision, I experienced one of the worst mental break downs in my life.
(Which is saying something, since my anxiety is always through the roof anyway!) But everything happens for a reason, and thus, I've made the best decision of my life recently...
And that was: To grow the fuck up and start thinking for myself.
By that, I mean I dropped chem1050. I was failing and finding it too difficult, and I discovered I didn't even need to do the course. ( Though, I was only doing it to make myself appear more intelligent than I actually am anyway.) At first, I felt like such a failure and thought I'd never do anything more than my lawtons job.
But now I realize that I've never felt more liberated!
I guess I've learned that my life is mine to live, and that I don't need to always be breaking myself down in order to please people. If certain people, like my dad for example, don't grasp that concept... why am I bothering to waste my time on them anyway? (Though I still haven't told him I dropped the course, I guess I'll bite the bullet and do that tomorrow...)
I've been able to change my prior life plans to fit slightly more into what I actually want. I mean, sure I'd love to study the arts, read all about Van Gogh and Rembrandt, and make a living by selling my artwork... but I do still need to be realistic. I've settled on being a clinical psychologist. Which, I think, would be perfect for me anyway. I love helping people, listening and giving advice, and learning about how people think and why they act the way they do is something that seems so compelling to me!
Not to mention the satisfying feeling I would get by knowing that I could help save someone's life, and that I would be there for them when they needed me.
For the past 6 years I've seen the same psychologist.
She's helped me through the toughest times in my life.
Without her, I'd probably be wasted away to nothing, or my life as I know would not exist.
I'm sure my family appreciates everything she's done for me, and I would give anything to be able to touch the life of another individual in that same way.
No, it doesn't make the highest salary, but really, I couldn't care less. Sure, it would be nice to be loaded with cash and buy anything I wanted, but I would probably hate the job I had in order to get that money. And yes, to me happiness is way more worthwhile than money.
My family doesn't have much money, but I couldn't picture my life much better than it is now.
So, the plan is to get my B.Sc with a major in psychology here at Mun.
(Maybe there are even a few art history electives are in my future?) Then, hopefully I'll get to go to Queen's and get my PhD, and return home and live here for the rest of my life. I found out that David was also planning to go to Queens to earn is MBA.
Coincidentally, at the same time I was planning on going! Considering that neither of us had mentioned this to other, it was a very nice surprise. So now, if I work hard for the next few years, I can have everything I wanted... all with the person I wanted it with. ♥
Yes, I realize that it sounds childish to plan my future with a boy at such a young age.
But, we've been together consistently for five years, that is more time together than a lot of married people I know.
( FYI - I just spelled "a lot" as "alot" and couldn't help but laugh at the thought of some bear-like creature. Ah, the things we learn in university English! aha! )
Overall, I have a feeling that this year will be more like what I imagined of university. Growing up feels marvelous.. and hopefully it will last!
Ps: I discovered today how much I truly love autumn... how could one not?
